Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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