i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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