My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
