allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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