I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
