every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
