Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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