Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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