I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
