But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
