whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
