Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
