I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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