I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
