the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
