I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize