uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
