I'm so fucking centered right now
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
