she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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