Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
