Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
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she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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