i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
