Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
