i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
