I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
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