You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
