I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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