'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
