Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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