I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
