I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
