Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
