Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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