I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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