I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
