I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
