I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize