eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
