I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
