is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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