my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
