I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
