I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
