She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
