the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
