So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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