Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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