btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
