is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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