from now on my penis is your penis
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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