Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
