even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
