hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
