I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
