I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
