I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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