Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
