I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
