I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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