I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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