so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
