You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
