I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
