I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
